peng的共享空间

The last day of Mar. 2008. what I am wating for? Now that I have recoginzed my goals, my character, and my dream. But I cannot give up all these things, I cannot persuade myself to forget this, and try a new life. Acutually I need to explore my new era, I have concerned what I am lack in my nature quality, which is my shortcoming. I think I should become a scholar in some field. I would rather read a sociology book than consider an abstract question. I am good at theory analysis, and I like it.

I make myself  tortured, include my heart and my body healthy. I feel it is gradually nibbling my body. I often say to myself, what I need, why I cannot stop this condition and look for other things.

Annla, the omnipotent god of the world. Wish you bless me.

How can I express my heart? Everyady I waste a lot of time to complain my life, my job. In fact, in the beginning, I did not think of myself, what I want on earth. It is evry clear that my ablity is limit. It seems like that my life is destined, it’s the fate. If I could be insistent in the past, my world would have changed already. But I am lack of perserverance, I am sure.

Today I read a book- chinese slave of housing. Without doubt, I am a typical slave of housing, in the oversea, I feel a little pressure, but I am losing my youth. Still now, I depend on my family. I am often condemn myself, I have not enough ability to take care my family, although I am old enough to do this.

It makes me annoyed and anxious.

Who will rescue the world, I how no idea. Tonight I finished the book-<currency war>, I was shocked terribly by the concept of this book. So I got the idea, the huge black-hand in the back of the economy, which control everything in the world. The international banker control everything in the world, but now I can do nothing with this thinking. In my heart I feel very anxious about our fianace system, could we protect our syetem from the international speculator rob our treasure and wealth. It is the point.

It is too mess for me , I should learn some financial knowledge.

What is the meaning of the life? I try to look for it all my life, but I could not get the result. Just like in my college time, I tried to find what’s the happiness,and how I could make my life happy. At that time when my friend asked me about the meaning of the life, I was always telling them that it’s to get the happiness. And how? I did not know. Until now, I’ve not known how to do, although I tried to persuade to myself that I should be realistic, not ideal. But sometimes I cannot control myself to imagine sth, including my future. As a result, when I awaken from the dream, I find it fantastic. I expect my future as prosperous as the ecnomy of China, and I donnot think that it is noly a dream.

This afternoon I went to play football with my colleague,I felt no enough energy to run, and kick a goal. So I had to stay at the backfield, as a cover-point. And I also had a chat with my girl friend,but not at a harmony ambience, I felt my mood was not good to chat with others, maybe because my organism function could not work well, with some mental disease. All in all, I felt not good.

Something is happening, something has past, something will be happen. Now, in Tebit the situation is upset, we cannot tell the real purpose of some rioters, we cannot distinguish what is true. One channel from the inner, the other is from outside. One is from the official, the other is from the civil. Sometimes we feel very confused, what’s happened on earth. The government resorts military operation to crackdown the riot, we cannot tell now whether it is right or false, everything now is only current affairs, at last, it will be get a final result or a judgement in the history. Of course, it becomes a top issue now in the world, actually, the poltical issues often go along with other things, just as the Olympic games. So we take it as a premeditated affair. It is just a excuse, and the riot organiser chose an advantaged time, and they also pull their stones to the internationl.

As a civilian of china, in my heart I do not want to see these things happen, we want peace all over the world.